If only, IF ONLY, I could just be your mommy!

To begin, I must say…I don’t know where to begin this. I love my children. I really adore them. They both have had to adjust to a family life that is so ridiculous. My husband has cheated on me (us/our family) and has been the most unreliable parent, that our children do not even question his odd behavior. I am their rock. I am their safe place. I am their love and if I don’t find my way out of this he will suffocate my remaining soul. I will get out because I can. I just need to figure out how.

I do not talk to anyone about this. Everyone knew when the affair happened and what happened during the year he moved out and moved back home. What they do not know is, I recently found out the affair is still alive and to add insult to injury, he has a strip club addiction/need/want.

I recently, after finding out the affair hadn’t ended, installed a secret GPS device on my my husband’s car and what I found out was shocking. I’m still trying to understand what it all means. I was busted. He send me 2 texts, one last night and one this morning. Both stating that he was still working. This was his way of saying he had found the device. I feel relieved. I seriously couldn’t stomach watching his lies and betrayals forming on a map on my computer. I haven’t seen him since. Tomorrow will be day 3.

Our daughter got her 2nd kindergarten report card today. It was perfect and she is excelling in reading comprehension. I’m so proud of her. She’s such a happy, smart, loving little girl. Even with this hell we’ve been living in for 2-1/2 years. She also road the bus home today for the first time. She was so excited!!! Love her! She’d love to share this with her daddy. She’s so proud of herself and I hope my approval, praise and love is enough. She will ask for him tomorrow. She adores him. He will not be here and I will not have an answer. This hurts.

Our son is doing great in Pre-K. He is so energetic, creative, and a natural dancer. It is so funny. Music plays and his booty starts shaking. I love how he feels the music. Such a cool little dude. He has a hard time with daddy. It is love/hate for sure.

To do – Find a new therapist for my children and myself next week. This is bigger than I am.

Thank you for reading my rant. This stay at home mommy WILL figure out how to make all of this right for my babies and myself. We deserve more.

My first step is to educate myself about my situation. I read some information on Kim Saeed’s site
letmereach.com and I think

no contact

Would be best.

Wish me luck!

Day 1 – no contact

If only mommy ❤️


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