Maybe it’s time to realize the problem is me. I need to find my strength, stop believing anything he says, and believe that there is no repairing this. My vision of my family. The 4 of us happy, laughing, having fun, is just not going to happen. It is a fantasy. He has no heart. He is self involved. He loves strip clubs by himself. That’s just gross. He is probably paying a stripper extra money right this very second for something I can’t even type. She gonna get herself a Christmas bonus. Nasty. He is addicted to affairs, strippers, and himself. Why can’t i just give up already. What is wrong with me!?
I want to be happy.
I am a funny, fun, happy person.
She is still in there. I am not this pathetic person. How did this happen?
I wish I had stayed strong and not let him back in. The kids missed him and I wanted them to have their daddy back. He left for 5 days without anything and then he wants back and I take him!? Ugh. I miss my parents. I wish they were here. I can do this alone. I can. It’s going to be hard but i have to, right?
I just want to peel out of myself for a little while and take a break from this.
I am so lost.
In a boat without paddles.