My husband. The man I once believed to be the only one I trusted. The man who loved me and wanted to create a family with me. The man I thought I’d grow old with. My best friend, my partner, my teammate, my lover, my forever.
I visualize my future. I’m artistic, I’ve always been and so, I’m a very visual person. I pictured in my mind, sitting on our front porch, in rocking chairs, holding hands and watching our grandchildren happily running around playing on a cool evening in spring. I could see our children all grown up and happily married because they had such a great example of love and marriage from their father and myself.
I wonder if this made me live in a fantasy world because my marriage and family has been nothing that could even resemble this. My marriage was fake and my husband was a master manipulator, a twister of words.
At first, he was fun. He was always ready to go out and have fun, laugh, dance, and be silly. I’ve come to realize that this was his bait and switch. Once he had me secure and locked to him forever he became himself. He was critical and mean. He lied a lot but would often become really sweet, loving and thoughtful. I now realize those times were to get what he wanted from me at that moment.
I will began writing some of the stores of our marriage in hopes that they will help someone who is in the beginning of a relationship like this, the courage and insight to get out. To run! You are with a sociopath and things are only going to get worse. You will find yourself years from now, like me, with children, trying to pick yourself up and start again after surviving unthinkable abuse. This abuse you would have deny for years, even to yourself, because you can’t believe that you are that person. The person who allowed another human being to tear her down from the strong woman she was before. Believe me when I say, you’re still that person. You just need to dig her out of all the hurt and betrayal. She never left you. She has just been waiting for you to wake up.