Square peg. Round hole.

I cannot see my future and I’m unable to erase my past.  2016 has begun.  I am still surviving and trying but not yet understanding the complexity of this cluster B personality disorder.  I think, sometimes, if I wasn’t so loving, caring, compassionate, that I could just hate my soon-to-be ex-husband for all the heinous things he has done to me.  It’s hard for me to hate.  I can’t do it really and at times I miss the fictional man I thought he was.  I think he has borderline personality disorder with narcissistic tendencies and a disturbing sex addiction.  The sex addiction isn’t in question, just the correct personality disorder.  I’m fairly sure I’m correct on his diagnosis since I’m the only person who really knows him.  Our children are precious.  I mean really wonderful children.  I have raised them primarily by myself their entire lives.  I’ve never been able to rely on him (their father/my ex) for help.  He’s just so focused on his life or as I like to refer to it, his lack of life.  I’ve seriously never seen anyone so self destructive.  I never witness anyone so focused on so many unimportant things. It is hard understanding someone who has such a lack of remorse and no empathy.  It’s hard to believe those people are real.  It’s like the evil opposite of a magical mystical unicorn, fairy or mermaid.  It’s like a self absorbed two year old, in a grown mans body…my life, my time, me me me.  You made me.  It’s all you fault.  Temper tantrum, foot stomping, running away, rules don’t apply, toddler/teenager.  They don’t have glittery wings, unicorn horns or a shimmery flipper.  They have rusty pitch forks!  Scary.  

2016 I’m counting on you to turn this around! I just need to work on my anger.  I’ll start by growling….grrrrrrr.  Hey, that’s a start.  


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