People I know, who know us, know a few facts, but no one knows. Nobody sees it. Everyone has a story of similarity to share, but nobody sees it. People talk in front of my face and behind my back, telling their opinions, saying I’m in denial, but they don’t see. Everyone tells me what to do, tells me how to do, but not many and not often do they tell me what I’m doing is right. If they do it’s always joined with a but…this could change, you can do better, or you’re making excuses. They’re taking bits and pieces of my life and offering opinions of how I’m failing or how they would do it and it would be the right way. Nobody sees that the things they criticize are the things I don’t have time for. The eligible on the bottom of my to do list. I’m overwhelmed with responsibilities. Nobody sees that through my strength, lies a very wounded soul. One that wakes up scared she won’t be able to handle all of it alone. Scared that she will fail her children. They are two most important things in my life.
If anyone out there has a friend or loved one who is going through very hard times but looks like they have it together, it doesn’t mean they’re strong enough for you to criticize them. They need your love and support and they need you to pick up the pieces and help if you think they’re falling behind on somethings. For goodness sake don’t tell her she is! She already knows! Offer to help her without her asking because even though she seems to have it together, she doesn’t. She is just choosing to try and fake it when things are bringing her down. Don’t ask her to do things and when she declines, tell her another way she can do it and when she politely tells you she can’t, again, don’t tell her to stop making excuses. Maybe she can’t afford a babysitter. Maybe the thought of being around people living a normal life makes her feel worse. Maybe she’s too depressed and she can only fake for so long and she needs that time to herself.
If she doesn’t do what you think she should, please don’t tell her your sales pitch of, “you have to decide if this is important to you.” “Only you can make a change.” She’s in therapy and she’s already working on everything there. Please don’t make her feel worse because she’s not doing it your way.
And lastly, if she does reach out and ask for help with the kids, because there’s something she really wants to do, please don’t bail on her. If she asked you, she had a hard time with it. She feels guilty asking for help and when you tell her you can do it only later to say you forgot or need to do something else, it crushes her. If she asked you for help, she thinks you’re special and trustworthy. If you take it back she feels very alone and she will push away from you to avoid being hurt.
The pain she’s suffered makes people uncomfortable. It is so bad.
-To know someone treated me the way I was treated makes people uncomfortable so they avoid me. It’s too hard.-
Somedays I feel so empty.
Because he’s the one with all the all the irrational behaviors, all focus goes to him.
Nobody sees it.
Nobody sees me.