The life you knew when you knew how to trust and the the one after you’ve been betrayed.
The feeling of being loved, cared for, and having a soft place to fall when the world outside seemed hard or scary.
Then there’s the feeling of being hated, not cared about, not considered.
When all the colors and vibrance around you turn dark and gray.
The air you breathed so freely now sucked out of your lungs. You’re left gasping, clinging, crawling up and trying to reach the space that you were in before but it doesn’t exist anymore.
Now you question everything.
And from all of this you have to stay strong, move on, heal with time. Time is not your friend because people think that with it you’ll return but you never will. You never do. You push through. You move with time almost like you’re not in it, like it’s an echo.
The dreaded lonely nights.
Will you be loved ever again or will you even allow anyone in ever again. How can someone love “this” you when “that” you was the one who could be loved. Who wants this much baggage to deal with?
You crave the happiness and excitement you use to know. You crave the way the sun use to feel warm, how you use to play in the rain, and the way you loved it all.
How I miss his arms. He use to make me feel so safe, so wanted, so loved but he never really loved me. I crave his arms to comfort me when he’s the one who hurt me.
I wish I could see into the future and know I’ll be alright. To see our children will be alright and that I’m enough to make them that way.
Today, why are you such a sad day. I need to feel stronger but today I do not.
Is it better to be like me and full of emotions, love for others, and a desire to be good? Or is he the lucky one because he doesn’t feel bad or feel anything about the lives he has changed, because of his actions? Is he lucky because he doesn’t “feel”?