I often post when I’m frustrated. My writings are not researched or prepared for but mostly straight from my emotions. It’s an awesome place to find some relief. I’ve been living in a type of hell with a very irrational husband. Our final divorce is soon, our anniversary is Friday, and the worst but not first d-day anniversary is right around the corner too. I’ve been at an all time low. Thoughts swimming, stress, fears, heartbreak, and loneliness have all been dominating my being. I’ve had no space for me. Lately I can’t find me but today was different and for absolutely no reason and I love it. I love the days I get to be myself. I feel good physically, mentally, I feel strong. Today was great. I’ve exercised, worked in the yard, loved my babies, and felt alive. I’ve listened to good music and talked with neighbors and I just feel hopeful today.
All things have a beginning and an end. Our lives begin and end and each day we have, we should live. Really live. Today I want to live this life I have. I’m lonely, for sure but you know what, I’ll be alright. I have been blessed with two beautiful, wonderful, children and if that’s all I ever have, I’ve had a wonderful life. You know, being thankful for the things I have and not focusing on what others are doing and have done to me, is what will get me through.
I wish my children had the family I wanted for them. I am not in control of that. I am in control of what kind of mother they have. They have a pretty great mother. I am fun and funny, I love them with all my heart, I’m trying to guide them and help them have the space to develop into the people they are and want to be. I am the person who teaches them right from wrong.
This is the only life I’ve got and if I linger in the betrayal and misery my husband brought to me I will be missing out on wonderful days that belong to me.
Life is difficult but the lessons learned from bad times help form resilent, loving, wonderful people.
I am one of those people.
I am blessed.
I am lovely.
I am me.