I thought I was strong.
I know I am but why does it still hurt?
The man cheated on me twice and had 2 full relationships with other women during our marriage. Why does it hurt when I hear he’s dating someone. Maybe it hurts because he has always treated me as if I didn’t matter. Maybe because we had this beautiful family and he just didn’t want it. Maybe because what I thought was everything, he thought was nothing special. Maybe because he can’t be alone long enough for me to feel like he’s trying to work on himself. I just don’t understand how he can constantly be in a relationship. One right after the other, like our marriage was no different than any of these different women he has in and out of his life. It’s just hard to see your husband fall in, what he thinks is, love and act all giddy and happy about it. I’m still trying to get over him and heal from our marriage ending. I mean we’re not even officially divorced yet.
I just want to move on and not hurt. I don’t know how to. I thought I did but, man this stings just like I haven’t made any progress. Maybe I just thought he’d want me and fight for me. I know we can’t be together, but maybe I just needed him to try, so I’d feel like it was important to him. I wanted him to know he messed up and regret all that he has done. I’m just heartbroken today. I mean I don’t want him anymore. He isn’t the man I married, but I still miss that man. I still miss our family being one. I miss loving him and he loving me. I like being married. It made me feel important and special. I just feel rejected all over again.
That burning sensation is winning and I can’t fight the tears.