My daughter is in the first grade and she sometimes has to use her vocabulary  words to make pictures.  She’ll curve her words around to make a petal for a flower or bend them to make a circle.  I’ve been visualizing the wild range of my emotions surfacing, as one of those pictures.  Letters forming words, swirling around a piece of paper, forming a tornado.  An emotion tornado. The words, just like hers, bend and curve to twist around and around in dizzy circles.  Anger spelled out in all CAPs and RED in color.  Sadness of course is blue,  Fear is small and in a barely visible light pink, purple is the word envy, and on and on.  

This week I’ve felt such uncertainty when it comes to my healing.  I’ve doubted my strength,  I’ve question my parenting skills, and I’ve felt heartbroken once again from something my husband has done.  I mean, really!?!   I know this won’t last long as it has happened before.  I can’t be stong constantly, it’s impossible.  I just hope, over time, my cycling emotions will be more predictable and less severe.  I really just want to be who I use to be and then, I’m afraid that person really doesn’t exist anymore. She may not.  That’s a hard reality to swallow.  I really miss who I use to be.  I really miss how normal my life was before.  

There are just so many things….


8 thoughts on “Emotinado 

  1. Unfortunately, I know how you feel. However, I do not remember who I was before I got married…I got lost in the role of wife and mother and never took the time to take care of myself. Boy, am I paying for it now. I keep telling myself it has to get better as well and this is one of the days where I find that so incredibly hard to believe. At any rate, I’m thinking of you! Hugs!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks with so many ups and downs. Hopefully things will settle down soon. I appreciate your support.
      As for you, I have a feeling you will remember who you were before eventually. It is so very hard to take care of yourself when you’re taking care of so many others. I have a very hard time doing it still. One day these little ones won’t need us as much and the heartache from these jerks we called husbands will fade and have time too much time to focus on ourselves 😉! One day at a time 😊.

      Liked by 2 people

    • I don’t want to be that either but I do appreciate how I use to believe in the good in people. I’ll take that back. I don’t like knowing for the rest of my life, I’ve got to have my guard up.


        • I’ve been there. I trusted no one until my husband, then boyfriend (now almost ex) convinced me that he was on my team and that he would NEVER do anything to harm me, that I could let my guard down and trust him because we were forever.
          Gag me. Such bullshit. If anyone ever says that to me again I’m going to vomit in their laps. Ha!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s