Props to the MIL.

I think I drive my mother in law crazy.  She’s from the mid-west and I’m from the south, so when I was being taught to “bless everybody’s hearts”, she was being taught to give her opinions and thoughts.  If the neighbor came to me and said, I’ve gained 20lbs and I’m feeling so gross and ugly.  I’d say, “Bless your heart, you are beautiful all the time.  I’m sorry you’re feeling down.  I’m sure if you’ve gained any weight it will come off easily.”  She would say, “I’ve noticed you   gained a little, have you been snacking more or eating bigger meals and forgetting to exercise? Maybe you should write down what you eat and make sure you’re exercising.”  Both ways are fine.  I’m trying to sooth emotions and she is trying to take actions.  Both things are needed.   

I genuinely adore my mother in law.  She is one of my best friends and probably my biggest supporter.  I am indeed lucky as at any time she could have gone against me in this falling apart of my marriage with her son.  Instead she stood by me because she believes her son is wrong, has treated me and our children unfairly and is generally being a dick.  She hasn’t turned her back on him but she isn’t, “blessing his heart”.   So with our differing ways of being, I was lucky she is who she is.  

How I believe I drive her nuts is by always hoping for he best,  preparing for the worst, and coming up with numerous senerios to EVERY problem I have.  Tons of “what ifs”.  She laughs at me often and says you are going off in left field with this one, or why are you wasting your time worrying about this when we have no idea what the future will be.  She’s right, of course, but that doesn’t change that I’ll never change when it comes to this.  I mentally have to prepare for everything, just in case.  It’s a kind of self protection.  This doesn’t mean the shit is shocked out of me from time to time.  Regardless my “what ifs” drive her crazy yet she still listens and still loves me. She is a gift from God for sure.  She has no idea how wonderful she really is and she is not perfect, not even close. None of us are.  I love that she’s not perfect.  Perfection is boring.  

I do believe that when marriages break up, most in-laws take the sides of their own children and begin letting go of their daughter or son-in-laws.  As with the ending of such a union, 2 whole families are usually split apart as well.  The children are the ones who suffer and get pulled in every direction.  I’m going to mom’s side this year or its dad’s turn to have us on Christmas.  It’s sad.  So far we’ve all been together for holidays but I often worry about when other people come into our lives.  I’ve mentioned to her before and said, “He is your son so there isn’t any question, you’ll let go of me.”  She always quickly responds, “No, you will still come and you can bring him as well.  I’m sure anyone you pick will be someone we will love too.” 

I really think I won he mother-in-law lottery.  Don’t you?


8 thoughts on “Props to the MIL.

  1. Yes I do! My MIL encouraged my husband’s former mistress/cousin to call him once again which started them on round 2. She never stopped communication with her. She has never once told me she’s sorry this is happening or reached out to me in any way. She went to a funeral with him and the mistress. She and the entire family have completely supported this affair. I’m glad you got a good one, though!


  2. Wow. I think you did. My MIL (monster-in-law) was a real prize. When Pig-shit cheated on me and I left him, she said “this can’t be good for his ego and he won’t be alone very long….all the women love (pig-shit.)” She welcomed his tramp with open arms while we were still married. Like I said…she was a real prize….like mama….like son.


    • No wonder he’s crazy, he was raised that way. Ugh what an awful mother. If one of my children does this to their spouse one day there going to have to deal with me and it will not be good.
      I’m sorry you had such a monster-in-law.
      My MIL told my husband she hoped he didn’t think she was going to welcome this mistress into her home with open arms. She told him that if he brought another women over that she would ask her to leave. She is awesome & she really does love her son but she said she wasn’t going to reward bad behavior!


      • Wow. Losers’ mama got rid of the double bed when we started spending the night there….and we were married…and replaced it with twin beds. As soon as he brought that tramp home to meet mommie, she replaced the twin beds with a queen sized bed….for them. Loser and I hadn’t even discussed divorce yet….he was still playing husband to me…LOL
        Had I known that all Loser and his mama wanted was a trashy tramp…..I would have left him years ago!
        Be grateful that you have such a wonderful MIL. She is truly one of a kind.

        Liked by 1 person

      • My MIL said that too until Thanksgiving. Then I had other plans so he was invited – just him. But he brought “her” and her kids and no scene was made of course. Since then they are the ones who were invited to his sister’s birthday party. They are the one’s who were included in the Dec 25th Jewish traditional movies and Chinese food day. My MIL still says she is “so pissed at him” for what he has done – but really there are no consequences for him and I will be the one who will eventually not be a part of anyone’s life. It may be different for you, but please keep your eyes wide open.


        • I fear this happening to me too. I do realize it’s a possibility because he is her child. It scares me.
          I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine how much it hurt. All of this is terribly difficult. Hugs to you!!!


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