Summing up family court reality.

You pay an attorney Big Bucks to protect you and most importantly, protect your children.  Forced mediation.  Scared not to agree on some type of plan in mediation because a trial cost $$$$ and no promises can be made.  So you mediate and agree on parenting plans, financial plans, etc.  You’ve been screwed again but at least this plan is moderately fair.  Then a month goes by and you realize you spent more money on this than your car is worth and all you’ve done is have words put on paper that are being ignored.  You can fight if if you want to, because this agreement was sworn in I front of a judge,  but that costs money and how much money is it going to take to make him pay me what he promised?  My guess is I’d pay more money to get us there and he’d figure out some way to get everything reduced in his favor.  I’d be out of more money and he’d win again.  

I’d call my attorney for advice but I don’t want to pay for calling her.  I certainly don’t want to pay to email her, and I’m not paying her to go back to court.  She a good attorney but she can’t change the way it works.  It is what it is. She will however make promises she can’t keep.  I mean, we’re all salesmen(women) aren’t we?  It all about the sale, everywhere for everything. 

Family court needs major changes.  Mental health issues need to be addressed and understood.  The rule of thumb is to rush the process by forcing the heartbroken, abused, depressed, scared parent to make life changing decisions in short amounts of time.  If you don’t, the judge will decide because,  ma’am I gave you an extra month to get all of this decided.  No problem, I’ve been crying all night and not sleeping, afraid and alone, raising children and acting normal during the day, when inside I’m exhausted and broken…sure I’m prepared to make huge decisions RIGHT NOW.   I’m sure I’m thinking clearly.  I’m amazed at how well I did back then. How do they not care what fresh hell we’re living in? 

Mental Health, people!   It is the biggest problem and the most ignored, most shunned.  Think about the biggest tragedies you know of.  Ignored mental health was the problem wasn’t it?  No problem, therapists are starting not to carry your insurance.  They’re thought of the same way plastic surgery is.  A luxury, not a nessesity.  

Abusers are winning and the abused are made to feel like they are he ones not worthy once again.  Our kids are suffering and no one forces the noncustodial parent to pay the support he’s suppose to pay.  This forces the custodial parent to work more, giving the kids less time with the parent they rely on.  This leaves them feeling unloved even more than the seperation did.  They lose again. 

No worries, these abusers, cheaters, sex addicts still have extra money to pay their hookers.  Whew, I’m so thankful the court was so concerned. Hookers could be on the street if they didn’t.

Sarcasm, my best friend 🙄

And that is my reality. 

IOM 💪🏻


8 thoughts on “Summing up family court reality.

  1. I hear ya, IOM! My STBX resigned his latest job and hasn’t paid me a dime since May. He’s claiming mental health issues and wants me to suspend his support obligations. I’ve had to move 600 miles away and in with my mom. My daughter was set to begin her junior year at her high school which she loved and now she’s starting all over once again (we moved 2 years ago for his job which led to his affair).

    So many people try to prop me up by telling me he’ll get his in the end and that I’ll be okay in the end but most days I find it a struggle just to get through the day. It feels like he’ll never answer for all that he’s done.

    All I can say is hang in there. I know it’s not much but it’s all we’ve got some days.


    • It like we got abused and mistreated and now we get to pay for it more. I don’t get it but I have to say, somehow, someday, I’ll look back and hopefully remember all the good times with my children and forget about all the bs he’s put us through.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I thought that these days, if a man didn’t pay child support, he was put in jail…I know several states where that is absolute law…and if it’s court ordered…judgment is harsh for non-payment.


    • My state is supposed to be like that; however, if he’s in jail he’s still not paying. I think, too, that most lawyers try to give the payor a chance to make things right. In my case I let my lawyer know what had happened and what he said and when she contacted his lawyer she was very diplomatic about it, letting her know there were two children to be provided for and we weren’t looking to put him in jail. Additionally, I asked once how long it would take and basically you’re looking at months before a judge would finally order them to jail. First, you have to file a motion charging they aren’t paying. Then you get a date to go to court. Sometimes you have to actually find them and then serve them. There are several steps and that’s just to get in front of a judge. The judge could very well give the payor a month or two to get caught up before ordering jail time. To be fair, we haven’t yet pursued jail time and haven’t been before a judge yet so it’s possible the hammer could fall heavily once we do.

      In my case the STBX is probably going to file a motion of his own to try to get his support suspended until he can find a job. If the judge grants that I’m just out of luck until he does finally start working again.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, they can’t put him in jail and take away his professional license but that will screw me to. I just know if I file if he will turn around and get what he’s suppose to pay me lowered. If not he loses his job and then I’m screwed again. The system is broken. They should just take it out of his check to begin with and all these problems wouldn’t exist. As simple as that. One day I’ll be financially independent and will just be like, screw it, I got this!


        • I know, mine too. He also decides how much is in the check and if he’s going to split them into two different checks weeks apart. He’s suppose to pay in full on the 1st.
          Good luck with the automatic deduction. I tried to get that done in the beginning but it seems they have to mess up first. I knew he would never do it the way it was written, his history proves that but the courts have to give them a chance. My question is what about me? It’s like he gets chance after chance but I just have to put up with the bs because I’m the good person and of course I will to an extent.


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