Why is he an ass and I feel bad about it?

After all this time and after everything he’s done, he gets his feelings hurt because our children literally cling to my car to not spend the night with him, he asks me where there bags are (he’s never discussed  them staying with them, there is no bag) and he’s hangs his head and looks mad at the same time, when I say, “you never mentioned anything to me” and I FEEL BAD about.  Me!  What is wrong with me!  What about all the times he was too busy to see them and they were sad and what about how he left our family to have multiple affairs and disappear from home, saying nothing for days at a time, ignoring all calls and texts!  He’s the one that barely pays child support and forget about spousal support.  He’s the one who wants to sell this house and make us move which may change their entire world just because he doesn’t want my home to be more of a home than his.  Why don’t I feel good that he’s hurting.  I can’t imagine that he really is.  He’s probably more mad than sad but why the hell do I care.  He’s mean to our children often, he rarely buys food for them when they do spend the night with him and in the morning he locks himself in his room forever leaving them alone without food or a phone to call out to anyone if they need help.  Yet I’m here feeling guilty because the kids wanted to stay with me because I’m there safe parent, the one they can count on, the one that knows them, the one that puts them first, before myself.  I need a reality check.  I need to scream actually.  Why do I care that it hurts him that they pick me.  He would rub it in my face if they picked him!

Such bullshit.

This is a NOT what I signed up for!
And my children now say MOMMY’S HOUSE AND DADDY’S HOUSE like they have nothing. It broke my heart when I realized that tonight and my daughter said to my son, “I want to go to MOMMY’S house.”  I said, “It’s your house too.  It’s our home.”  



7 thoughts on “Why is he an ass and I feel bad about it?

  1. You feel bad because you have empathy. You probably were also conditioned throughout your marriage to make his needs paramount while making your own needs very small. I think there are very few people who can watch another person suffer and feel nothing. Even when you know that person deserves it we who have empathy and compassion tend to feel bad for a person who is hurting.

    Try to remind yourself that he’s not actually hurting. He’s feeling sorry for himself. There’s a big difference. It reminds me of all the times CF would contact my daughter. He would go on and on about HIS life and his sorrows; never asked about hers. It was all a ploy to get her to feel sorry for him.

    If it helps any your kids probably use the term “Mommy’s house” and “Daddy’s house” not because they feel they don’t have a home of their own but to differentiate between which parent has them, if that makes sense. True, they could say, “Our house” and “Daddy’s house” but they are young and since you two are the adults they probably look at it more as the parent’s house and this is who we are with right now.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you. This is so true but it is so hard to see it when it’s your life. He was just feeling sorry for himself. Co Parenting with him I going to be an uphill battle.
      Thank you so much for opening my eyes. I have learned so much but I’ll never be able to change the fact that I do care and I have empathy. That’s what makes me (and you) wonderful.
      So glad I’m not him. Could you imagine being so self involved?! Bizarre.


  2. Yep. You feel bad because you have empathy. It will pass after a while….when you realize that you are more important than he is. I lost mine for Loser a long time ago. Now, I don’t wish harm to come to him bur I DO hope that he is miserable. I no longer feel compassion for somebody who left a path of destruction every where he went.


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