I’ve always known that when bad things happen, people in your life, people who love you, only really give you a certain amount of time to heal. It’s never spoken. It’s never discussed. It’s just known. If your time expires, they aren’t as welcoming to comfort you, listen to your worries & sadness, or call you just to see if you’re ok. They certainly don’t offer to help you or even help you often if you ask. Your time to heal has ended and you should be back to normal but are we ever normal again? I don’t think so.
I kicked my husband out, after suffering through his affairs, over a year ago. Our marriage had basically ended 2 years before that but we (or I) tried to save it or tried to save our family. I suffered and learned to kept secrets from everyone I knew and began isolating myself. It was lonely and humiliating. I was so afraid. When I finally broke free I doubted my dicision even when I knew it was the only choice I had. As the truth began filtering through our loved ones, I had to help with their feelings as they tried to comfort me. I’m sure I pushed them away, a little, but only because I thought it was the polite thing today. Take it like a warrior. Handle my pain. They still called to check in or advise me on how to do something or to tell me what I needed to do. No one ever really asked me what I needed them to do. No one ever really asked me what I needed. What I needed was for someone to come and take care of me. I needed time to cry, to be depressed and not leave my bed, I needed someone to take care of my house, wash the clothes, make the meals and help me keep it together and be normal to my kids until they were sleeping. I needed someone to hold me up instead of having to hold myself up. I did have some help here and there but I always felt like I was putting someone out or asking for too much. My time was almost up. When the time did arrive that each person had internally decided was long enough, I stopped being asked if I was ok. People expected me to be back to normal and to just figure it all out, like it was natural. None of it is natural. All of it is hard. When I do get asked anything I can almost hear people thinking, why are you taking so long or what is holding you back, like I don’t have a reason anymore not to have everything back in order. Like it’s pathetic that I don’t. That I’ve had long enough.
I wish I had been the one to set the timer. It wouldn’t be even close to the half mark yet of healing. Pain doesn’t ever go away. You just get use to feeling it so it doesn’t feel as sharp. Time doesn’t heal, it just dulls the pain.
Time is up!