Fear

Anything I’m struggling with and everything I desire, the only thing that holds me back is fear.

Lifelong goal – how to conquer fear.

I’m stronger for my children a million times more than I am for myself.  One day I will learn to be strong for us all.  

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6 thoughts on “Fear

  1. We mommies carry so much. We are much stronger than we realize but it is so hard to find balance. Being for them….but realizing that part of being for them is being happy within ourselves…..such a tricky dance.

    Lately I think a lot about how much better of a mom I am when I am happy. And how being for them/doing for them makes me HAPPY but….not quite. I have to find my own way too.

    And when I do those things for me like yoga or going for a walk….but also things like dating/seeking the strength from a man….they get excited. They want to see us happy….because we can not do it all…WE Cant – well we can but we can’t..you know what I mean.

    I always seems to I pull back and decide “no no no….I am for them right now.” I always end up putting them first BUT I am starting to let go. I have to…because i am strong for them and I am strong for me BUT I need some support too.

    Just saying…

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  2. I am such a better mom when I’m happy. It is very hard to realize I need to schedule time for me, my health, my heart. Yoga YES. Walking and running, YES! I really don’t like it when I realize I’m forgetting about me. I don’t know how to date anymore. I have VERY LITTLE time to myself and my children are still pretty young (1st and 2nd grades). I know it will be easier for them and better for me if I’m not alone forever. Hopefully I’ll figure it out eventually before I’m too old and wrinkled to be relevant in the superficial world we now live in.

    Keep updating us on your letting go and when you get some support too. I just need a warm man to wrap around right now. Part time guy. I have no time for a full time relationship. Ha!

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    • Dating is ridiculously tough especially those ages. Part time guys get tricky too! I’m taking a break personally but I hear you on the wrinkly thing. Laugh lines though and sun kisses! Right?
      The one and only time I dated where it was kind of/sort of serious enough to share with my kids…. they were so happy and almost relieved. It really made me think. As well this summer my four boys spent an evening with my mother in law, their dad, couple of my ex husbands good friends and I reflected later on how these were ALL single people. Happy single people which is great but single. That also really made me think how important it is that eventually I am open again to possibilities.
      Not enough time in the day though…. I get that. Do you get any time? Do you get weekends? I’m going to do an update on my big picture soon…. I don’t get much but I get some and I aggressively carve time lately because I let myself go for far too long AND I feel my endurance has run out. Be careful… good luck tomorrow.

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      • Sounds lovely to be able to do one day. Their dad gets them on Wednesday. Igor for a couple of hours for dinner and every other Saturday night they stay with him. They’re suppose to go in to morning and stay until Sunday evening but it’s usually late Saturday afternoon to a little after lunch on Sunday. So no, not much.

        Thank you for saying, “good luck” for today. It went well. Still lots of stuff to figure out but we’re getting somewhere.

        I hope you’ve had a nice day 🙂.

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  3. kids learn an awful lot by watching us. if they see you taking care of yourself, making the right decisions instead of the easy ones, and have a real loving relationship with another person, its more likely that they will too in the future.

    and make sure that you don’t try to save them all the time. they need to learn how to recover from failure on their own. believe me, i know how much it hurts to watch. but it makes them stronger and more self sufficient in the future. BTDT with 3 kids, all of who (ok, maybe just 2 out of 3), are now adults and doing very well.

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