Life is hard. It’s really, really hard but no one promised me it would be easy. I just never thought it could be this hard and in the same breath I’ll say that I still have it moderatly easy…right now.
The most difficult things I’ve faced in my life have been irrational people. People that don’t think anything like I do. Do I think I’m perfect? No, not even close but I am good, I am kind, and I am real. My ex showed me that there were people in our world that weren’t like me at all and he was one of them. To be so mentally abused for so long and be so confused about why, really sucks. I believe I am lucky because he could never successfully gaslight me, even if I nodded and agreed because the arguement was just too exhausting. He never gave up so I learned to just cave and pretend to give in. I was in survival mode. I guess in a way, I still am. Maybe I’ll always be. At least I feel like my mind is strong.
A year an a half after I kicked him out he is still constantly trying to dominate me. He is constantly trying to make me feel sorry for him and if I don’t then he starts in with the name calling and threatening me with things regarding our children. He knows that’s my weak spot. I’m protective over them. He’s been so crazy. I mean who can feel good about their children being with a father who said and I quote, “You would never let me be around them if you knew what I have done.” He still denies saying it but, he did. It’s just not something I can navigate through. There are always unexpected twists that complicate things. I’ve just got to be ok with that. It will never end.
This life is hard. I have always learned to adjust and hopefully I always will, whatever is thrown my way. I hope that I never give up on finding love again and I hope I will be smart enough to not be fooled ever again. I deserve so much more than what I was given. This life is hard but it’s not over and I’ll keep seeing the beauty of it all!