Hard but Worth it!

Life is hard.  It’s really, really hard but no one promised me it would be easy.  I just never thought it could be this hard and in the same breath I’ll say that I still have it moderatly easy…right now.  

The most difficult things I’ve faced in my life have been irrational people.  People that don’t think anything like I do.  Do I think I’m perfect?  No, not even close but I am good, I am kind, and I am real. My ex showed me that there were people in our world that weren’t like me at all and he was one of them.  To be so mentally abused for so long and be so confused about why, really sucks.  I believe I am lucky because he could never successfully gaslight me, even if I nodded and agreed because the arguement was just too exhausting.  He never gave up so I learned to just cave and pretend to give in.  I was in survival mode.  I guess in a way, I still am.  Maybe I’ll always be.  At least I feel like my mind is strong.

A year an a half after I kicked him out he is still constantly trying to dominate me.  He is constantly trying to make me feel sorry for him and if I don’t then he starts in with the name calling and threatening me with things regarding our children.  He knows that’s my weak spot.  I’m protective over them.  He’s been so crazy.    I mean who can feel good about their children being with a father who said and I quote, “You would never let me be around them if you knew what I have done.”  He still denies saying it but, he did.  It’s just not something I can navigate through.  There are always unexpected twists that complicate things.  I’ve just got to be ok with that.  It will never end.

This life is hard.  I have always learned to adjust and hopefully I always will, whatever is thrown my way.  I hope that I never give up on finding love again and I hope I will be smart enough to not be fooled ever again.  I deserve so much more than what I was given.  This life is hard but it’s not over and I’ll keep seeing the beauty of it all!



5 thoughts on “Hard but Worth it!

  1. Don’t let him play with you. That’s how narcissists work. I imagine he “sees” the children? If so, would it be possible for his to see them somewhere other than with you? If the court awarded him rights, I don’t think he was awarded the right to see you, was he?
    I used to think “I’m so glad my children were grown” when I filed for divorce…but I would have had to take him to court TO SEE them. He would have been in hog heaven. I would have been doing what I always did….babysitting while he ran around with every tramp circling him like a bitch in heat…and he wouldn’t have had to worry about me finding out. These “men”. They aren’t men. They’re pigs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know! I don’t have control of this, yet. He’s so aggressive and when I’m in a good mood I give in too easily. I’m always trying to keep the peace even when I know there is no peace with this man. This by far will be my hardest challenge. I always consider myself to be stronger and smarter than his manipulations but I underestimate his need to harm me. Trying to keep the peace for our children is most important to me.


      • It tool me thirty-eight years before I decided to take control. I never felt like I had the right to say things and question things. I paid dearly when I finally “roared” but it was one time when that asshole didn’t win. To them, it’s all about control and power. When you take that away from them, they don’t know how to deal with it…and like I said….all bullies are cowards. Take away their power and you will see just how big a one they really are.
        Sending hugs. ๐Ÿ™‚


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