I’m too afraid to make the steps needed to move forward. I’m afraid I’ll fail. I’m afraid I’ll lose. I’m afraid I’ll get lost in it all. I can’t wrap my head around how it’s all going to work and it paralyzes me. I’m disappointed in myself at this stage and I’m hiding from my truth. I’m acting like a needy child because I’m afraid to be the adult I need to be now. Maybe because I don’t have anything to fall back on for the first time in my life. Giving myself a break for my need to stall, because of everything I’ve been through, isn’t good enough anymore. I can’t rest in that anymore. It’s never going to change but it isn’t my present, it is my past and it can’t define my future. I’ve just got to step forward. I feel like I’m in quicksand. I want to be everything I know I can be….but what if I’m wrong. So afraid.