Sometimes I think all the times I’ve been stronger than I could have possibly been, catch up to me and the panic and fear I should have crumbled under before, decide to show up and taunt me because I haven’t dealt with it yet. Lately, at night I start panicking over losing the people that are currently in my life. More specifically the people who decided to take on a roll as a parent to me after losing mine. My mother-in-law promised my father, days before he died, that she and my step-father-in-law would look after me and for him not to worry. It gave him much peace but she meant it and she was already doing it before it was promised to him. Even thought my ex and I are no longer together, my relationship with my in-laws has never changed but actually gotten stronger. For some reason I let myself think of losing them. I would be lost. I mean seriously lost. I think of them as my earth parents now that my birth parents are in heaven. They are the best and I think I made it through losing my parents and husband all relatively close together, because of their support. Without them I’d be lost. So my scared panicked mind decided to visualize how life would be if they weren’t here anymore, and now I can’t breathe. Panic sucks. Anxiety sucks.
That’s all the suckery I have to share today…🙄. I’m getting on my own nerves.