The reasons why I can’t get over my marriage ending.

  1. I never thought it was a possibility.
  2. I liked being married.
  3. I loved our family.
  4. I  never knew someone could be so mean to me.
  5. I still can’t believe our children weren’t important enough to fight to stay together.
  6. I can’t believe I wasn’t enough to fight for.
  7. Cluster-B personality disorder slapped me in the face & I was clueless people didn’t have emotions the way I did.  I’m still in disbelief. 
  8. My parents stayed together through thick and thin.  I thought that was just what you did.
  9. I meant the promise I made to him in front of God & all my loved ones.
  10. I never wanted to be a single mom.
  11. Because admitting it really makes me panic!  How am I suppose to raise 2 kids, take care of a house, yard, work full time, pay all the bills, take care of our pets (that he also abandoned) plan for my future, find time to date (so I won’t be alone for the rest of my life), and sleep by myself.
  12. I wanted our kids to have everything and now they won’t know how to have an adult relationship because they’ll have no example of one to model theirs after.  
  13. Because I planned this family with another person and we agreed that no matter what we were in it forever.  If not for ourselves then for our kids and he broke that promise too.
  14. Being cheated on hurts. Being cheated on when you have two small children that count on you hurts more. 
  15. Because I tried as hard as I could and it still wasn’t enough.
  16. Because I deserve more.
  17. Because I hate knowing it failed.
  18. AND I can’t believe I have no one to talk to about the wonderful memories we both shared.
  • The birth of both of our children.
  • When we found out we were going to be parents.
  • When we got engaged.
  • The first time our daughter (our first) smiled, laughed, crawled…everything.
  • All the times that our son danced to music without prompting. 
  • And all the things that happened in between.

These thing are just mine to think of now.  I have no one to remember these with anymore because they weren’t important enough.  I have no one to smile to when they do something AMAZING.  Just me.  I’m amazed alone. 

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    7 thoughts on “The reasons why I can’t get over my marriage ending.

    1. I can see every tear and feel every break in your heart. I would tell you to be grateful you have your children. When you lose them, there is little left to parlay into a reason for living…but I have had to try. I had all those memories when they were growing up, and I had them alone. Now, they have chosen the person who has none of those memories.
      Life goes on.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Life does go on. That’s the good part, I guess. We learn to adjust but I miss having someone to share things with although I know he was never going to be what I need or what they needed. He was focused on himself.

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        • That’s what narcs are famous for….being all about themselves. If and when your children do something extraordinary….he’ll be all over that…taking credit and basking in the glow. Been there, seen that. Sigh.

          Like

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