These are the changes happening in my yard in FEBRUARY! Not that I’m not happy to see these changes, I just don’t trust that they’re here to stay. I guess time will tell. I love spring and I’m ready for that change to happen. That is probably the only change I am ever really ready for. Change happens whether I’m ready or not. I just need to learn to buckle up.
A couple of things I can’t ever seem to learn is that, I am not in control and being anxious about my future isn’t helpful. I can’t control what will happen to me. The harder I try the more I’m reminded of it. The more I try to control things, the less fun I have. I don’t feel free. I don’t live. Once I realize it I start breathing and feeling and seeing. I wish it would stick and that this wasn’t a repeated pattern. It seems like everything repeats. Maybe I’m not learning the intended lesson. Same thing about my anxiety. Worrying about how I’m going to figure out everything alone for the rest of my life is so overwhelming that I can’t breathe. My thoughts start racing and I start panicking. It’s never helpful. It never solves anything but again, another pattern of behavior I can’t break. It’s just that I try so hard to prevent change. To control things to not allow it and my anxiety revs up with all of my controlling plans. Exhausting.
Life, like this daffodil blooming in my yard in February, doesn’t allow you to expect the unexpected but you can learn to enjoy it. It may not last but why even think about that? Why not just enjoy it for what it is in all its delicious yellow glory. I love this symbol of spring. Just like its unexpected arrival, I need to learn to take what life gives me and make the best of it, good or bad. Just live.
Love, Heartbreak, happiness, sadness, good, bad, missing, having….all of it.