Memories

I just remembered this song and how I wanted it to be on my birthing mix of music.  For the hospital.  It’s like I’ve be screaming at myself for years and I couldn’t even hear myself scream.  Sad to think about.  This is also when my ex wrote me a note and promise seconds before being let back in the operating room for my c-section.  I didn’t need the birthing mix after all.

His note said, “Ebba (a nickname my family use to call me when I was little that he thought was cute) I promise I’m going to be the best husband and daddy ever.  We are going to have the best little family and I just can’t believe we are about to have our first baby.  You’ve done such a good job preparing for her.   I know I’m going to cry like a baby. I love you so much.”

Too bad he only meant the things during the moments.  When it got hard, he always ran until he started doing (or possibly finally getting caught for) all the terribly cruel and abusive things I’ve written about.  Too bad the moments weren’t the life.

As I sit here writing this I overhear the conversations these ladies walking by were talking about.  They’re complaining about heir husbands not doing his part of the dishes or complaining over who does more of the housework.  I just wanted to scream, but does he love you? Eff the dishes and be happy you love each other.  I promise you if your marriage ends you’ll wonder why you wasted your breath on such trivial things. 

 

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