A Child’s Perspective

I pray a lot and honestly I still probably could pray some more.  I pray for my children the most and our future together.  I’ve prayed for them to be ok being from a divorced family more times than I can remember.  I have prayed that they don’t remember things that have happened in front of them, to them, or even things that they heard so many, many times.  Tonight I found out, for sure, my prayers are being heard.  My daughter remembers a terrible incident as a good memory.  She remembers her father and I fighting over her one night when I was scared he was going to take her.  She was asleep and he kept going in her room and in her bed.  I just figured out he was a sex addict.  I didn’t know what this exactly meant and I didn’t trust him in our daughters bed with her.  So he went in and I went behind him and took her out of the bed and to the guest room bed with me.  Then he came and got her and then me.  Finally we both just fell asleep with her in the guest room.  There was a lot of arguing when this was going on.  I have thought of this as a failing moment for me as a mother because I could have done that better.  I could have been better but I wasn’t.  I didn’t have to argue with him.  I could have just been pleasant and just took her.  Tonight she brought this memory up when I was tucking her in.  She said, “I loved that night when you and daddy fought over me and then we all slept together in the guest bedroom.”  “I really loved all that attention…it was fun, Mommy.”  I was shocked.  I thought we’d surely relive that memory in therapy during her teenage years.  It is one of the memories I’m most disappointed in my actions.  It’s one that I prayed about a lot and it appears my prayers were answered, just not in the way I prayed for.  She didn’t forget the memory she just remembers it as something it wasn’t.  From her perspective we both wanted to love her and we both were fighting for her happily.  So strange how that turned out but I’m thankful for it not being a memory of what it really was.  

Unbelievable thankful.   

🦄

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