I was talking to my friend Ali recently and we were talking about how often we use the word sorry and how little other people seem to. The interesting thing is we both say sorry when we haven’t done anything to be sorry about. We grew up together, from the same home town and the two of us aren’t the only close friends of ours, from the same hometown, that grew up together and do this. I honestly think we were raised to act this way. To be a good southern girl you can be quietly confident but never act like you’re better than anyone else, don’t be a know it all, be polite, apologize when you’ve done something wrong, and don’t blame other people for bad things that happen.
My friend works in the medical field and if the doctor is late, if the patient is late, if the report isn’t ready or if someone else forgets to do something, she apologizes. She says, I’m sorry, Dr. Soinso the patient in room one’s whatever wasn’t taken. This something not done had nothing to do with her or her job. Recently she said a doctor asked her why she was sorry. She said she just shrugged her shoulders. It wasn’t worth talking about more. She laughed to me because she said she almost said, Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Which I’m sure I would have almost said as well. It’s just habit. The truth is it’s better or more pleasant to say, I’m sorry than to say, your labs for room 1 aren’t ready because someone else is irresponsible, didn’t show up to work, didn’t read the chart or just sucks and none of its my fault. No one wants cares about any of that or who to blame. It doesn’t change the outcome. So why not just say, I’m sorry because you kind of are. Sorry that it wasn’t done but not sorry that you messed up, because you didn’t.
My brothers weren’t raised to act like this. They weren’t taught to be meek and pleasant. They weren’t taught to quietly succeed without making a big fuss about it. They weren’t taught to dress to blend in and not stand out ever, at all. They were taught to work hard to get what they wanted, to not take crap from anyone, and to not let anyone else take credit for work they had done. Stand up and take responsibility for your life and be confident about it, is what they were taught. And show people you believe in yourself because if you don’t no one will respect you.
I’m sorry that these things happen or that men and women are not treated equally at times. Truth is, we aren’t equal. Women grow life inside them. Men cannot. Men are built to be physically stronger. These are just a couple of examples. We both should be paid the same for the same work. I’m not on here to preach about that or march about women’s rights. I’d rather just try to change how it works in my small area of the world. Start with raising my children to act the same about their abilities and their intelligence. You got to start small to get to a place where big changes happen.
Sorry for always being sorry. It’s just who I am. It’s not about my worth. It’s not about my intelligence. It’s not even about me being sorry. It’s about me being kind. It’s about me being pleasant and making the best of things not going as planned. I’m sorry I don’t want to discuss it further than that 😉.