Distractions don’t distract as my thoughts never stop.

I’ve always tried to distract myself when something is painful.  It rarely ever works.  If it works it’s only briefly…very briefly.  I am not unique to this.  I think everyone does this, a little.  I’ve tried to pull from my silly thoughts as I sit around waiting at dance, soccer practice, or the bus stop for my children.  I observe everyone around me.  Notice differences, similarities, and oddities of routines.  I talk to friends.  Small talk with others.  All of it only momentarily takes me away from the reality.  Death is a part of life.  It’s painful to lose someone important.  Loved.  It’s hard to think about.  Hard to believe.

When someone I love needs me. I show up. Actually I don’t just show up, I run to them. I drop everything and go.  When I hear your voice and it sounds shaken you can always know, I’ll be by your side soon.  

Last week when this happened I didn’t want to believe it.  I showed up.  I was there and I still can’t believe how it ended.  I’ve know for a while that your time with us was limited but I wanted more time.  I wanted to see you with my children, baking with them, loving them up.   I needed more of your guidance because you were an example of hope and how I want to live.  Who I want to be. 

To be so admired, to have meant so much to so many, and to be spoken of so positively.  What a life well lived.  We were all so very lucky.  I was extremely lucky. 

🦋🦄⛵️🔨❤️ iom

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