I’ve always tried to distract myself when something is painful. It rarely ever works. If it works it’s only briefly…very briefly. I am not unique to this. I think everyone does this, a little. I’ve tried to pull from my silly thoughts as I sit around waiting at dance, soccer practice, or the bus stop for my children. I observe everyone around me. Notice differences, similarities, and oddities of routines. I talk to friends. Small talk with others. All of it only momentarily takes me away from the reality. Death is a part of life. It’s painful to lose someone important. Loved. It’s hard to think about. Hard to believe.
When someone I love needs me. I show up. Actually I don’t just show up, I run to them. I drop everything and go. When I hear your voice and it sounds shaken you can always know, I’ll be by your side soon.
Last week when this happened I didn’t want to believe it. I showed up. I was there and I still can’t believe how it ended. I’ve know for a while that your time with us was limited but I wanted more time. I wanted to see you with my children, baking with them, loving them up. I needed more of your guidance because you were an example of hope and how I want to live. Who I want to be.
To be so admired, to have meant so much to so many, and to be spoken of so positively. What a life well lived. We were all so very lucky. I was extremely lucky.