I’ve disappeared on here a little as of late. Maybe it’s only because it’s summer or it could be because of other things. I haven’t decided to be honest with myself yet as I paddle down denial river. I habitually do this. It’s when there are no answers, when I’m uncomfortable in my own skin, and when there’s a lot of emptiness.
I know something’s not right because I’m reading less; your writings, journal articles, google searches for curiosity reasons. All ceased. It’s baffling and familiar all the same. It’s not sadness or happiness. Just still. I’m moving. I’m active. Social even. I’m just not sure I’m feeling any of it. I miss my hyperness, being excited, and feeling positive.
I have a show coming up that I bought tickets to months ago. I lined up a babysitter a month ago. I’m dreading it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?! I hope I’ll snap out of it soon.
I saw this the other day and felt like it described how I feel a majority of the time. I mean, I struggled before when I was younger and closer to perfect (no one is perfect but you know what I mean). How the hell am I suppose to feel now with all of this emotional baggage, wrinkles, and scars. My trust issues alone. No one is that patient and I’m a runner…if it seems too good, it is. Run before you get hurt.