Untouchable

This one I didn’t think I could touch but it wouldn’t be right not to acknowledge it when the emotions run so deep.  Although most of you or maybe none of you even know why this song is so important but it is huge to me.  The tragedy, the bands I’ve always followed, and the music that’s helped keep me alive, this one is one that hurts and heals in union.  To all the songs that have spoken to my soul, this one was needed.  Thanks to Gregg Allman for always leading the pack.   The little boys who idealized you and grew up to form bands of their own and becoming some of my favorites, thank you.  I’ve watched you play so many times and your voice and the emotion behind it never failed to amaze.  You will be missed.

Advertisements

All of me 

Thoughts I try to keep in front of my emotions…

  1. If someone wants to be in your life they will try and not give up easily.  Those who barely try or push you away and pull you back don’t really care.  You are just a void filler for them when no one else is around.  
  2. Trust yourself.  Trusting others isn’t necessary.
  3. Needing someone to make you feel safe isn’t really a need.  You can take care of yourself.
  4. When bad things happen, the people that really care about you show up.  They contact you in some way to make sure you’re ok.  The ones that don’t, do not.  Don’t waste time on the ones who do not.  It’s a waste of time.  Love the ones who love you back.
  5. When someone toys with your emotions walk away…scratch that….RUN AWAY! 
  6. When someone does show you you’re worth their time, you’re worth a top spot in their lives, and you are someone they never want to be without, let them love you.  Let them know you.  Let them know all of you and be free and open with all of who you are.  You deserve big love and someone will smile everyday to be loved by every inch of you.  Everyday. Even hard days ❤️.
  7. Be smart about your choices.
  8. Never accept crumbs.
  9. Remember you are not replaceable.  Understand your worth.  Live it.

Lessons to Learn

Sunset on 15

Life is my heart beating.  Life is my chest rising up and down…air filling and releasing.  Life is blood pulsating through my veins. Keeping me warm.  Life is my thoughts.  Life happens without my help and life happens with it but one thing I know, there aren’t always answers.  It’s not always automatic.  There aren’t always reasons why.

Everything that has ever happened to me, painful things, I’ve had to learn from every angle.  When they resurface, after I’m far into healing, it always comes through someone else.  Someone I love but just in reverse.  I have to learn to understand the other side.  I don’t understand how this keeps happening over and over again but I can’t help but wonder…what lesson am I suppose to learn?  What did I miss the first time?

Am I suppose to learn that I can have compassion for myself and for someone else doing to someone else what was done to me?  It’s hard.  It hurts and it opens old wounds that I’ve worked hard healing.  I have a hard time just turning my back on anyone.  I don’t like when it’s done to me, but sometimes I want to.  Sometimes I want to run, but I can’t.  I can’t desert someone I love when they’re clearly hurting.  When it’s obvious they’ve lost their way.  It’s evident that they need support so I must push through.  I must start again and try not to let it affect me.  At least not outwardly.  Now it needs to be private pain because this isn’t about me.  

I miss my boring married life where there were routines and patterns.  I miss knowing how my days would turn out and how the nights would end.  I miss being held and comforted at night.  I miss being loved.  I miss being touched and kissed and treasured.  I miss loving too.  I miss giving my love.  I love to love.  

How can I learn to be selfish.  Learn to take care of myself and focus on my new future. How do people put their needs above everyone else’s? I don’t mean my children.  Their needs will always be more important than mine but what about everyone else?  I’m not built like this but leaving my needs and my self behind, last in line, isn’t going to secure my future and I have to do it alone.  Relying on or needing anyone ever again isn’t going to happen.  I just hope to love again.  

I’m feeling lost and sad about the things I’ve been hearing about.  I’m just happy that my normal is pretty solid.  I’m just surrounded by so many things that are not.  So many people that are hiding many, many secrets.  People making huge mistakes and not caring about one another.  It worries me.  

We must find a better way. 
must find a better way. Happiness, love, simple joys, good conversations, passionate  kisses…that’s not too much to wish for, is it?

🦄🍀🌻 iom

Distractions don’t distract as my thoughts never stop.

I’ve always tried to distract myself when something is painful.  It rarely ever works.  If it works it’s only briefly…very briefly.  I am not unique to this.  I think everyone does this, a little.  I’ve tried to pull from my silly thoughts as I sit around waiting at dance, soccer practice, or the bus stop for my children.  I observe everyone around me.  Notice differences, similarities, and oddities of routines.  I talk to friends.  Small talk with others.  All of it only momentarily takes me away from the reality.  Death is a part of life.  It’s painful to lose someone important.  Loved.  It’s hard to think about.  Hard to believe.

When someone I love needs me. I show up. Actually I don’t just show up, I run to them. I drop everything and go.  When I hear your voice and it sounds shaken you can always know, I’ll be by your side soon.  

Last week when this happened I didn’t want to believe it.  I showed up.  I was there and I still can’t believe how it ended.  I’ve know for a while that your time with us was limited but I wanted more time.  I wanted to see you with my children, baking with them, loving them up.   I needed more of your guidance because you were an example of hope and how I want to live.  Who I want to be. 

To be so admired, to have meant so much to so many, and to be spoken of so positively.  What a life well lived.  We were all so very lucky.  I was extremely lucky. 

🦋🦄⛵️🔨❤️ iom

Moments 


Mistakes happen.
Time passes.
Tomorrow is never promised.
Love with all that you’ve got.
Never be afraid to say what you feel.
Do not let moments pass.
Live with abandon.
Hug your children.
Keep your family close.
Love like you mean it.
Live like you want it.
Smile.
Laugh.
Enjoy all the seconds.
Moments are what life is made of.
Never make anyone guess how you feel about them.
Don’t lose chances.
❤️