Untouchable

This one I didn’t think I could touch but it wouldn’t be right not to acknowledge it when the emotions run so deep.  Although most of you or maybe none of you even know why this song is so important but it is huge to me.  The tragedy, the bands I’ve always followed, and the music that’s helped keep me alive, this one is one that hurts and heals in union.  To all the songs that have spoken to my soul, this one was needed.  Thanks to Gregg Allman for always leading the pack.   The little boys who idealized you and grew up to form bands of their own and becoming some of my favorites, thank you.  I’ve watched you play so many times and your voice and the emotion behind it never failed to amaze.  You will be missed.

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Don’t be Careless


Some people give a shit and some people just don’t.  Don’t be careless.  Pay attention to those who don’t acknowledge your pain.  They will only hurt you worse.  

People make mistakes but the ones who admit them, and ask for forgiveness are better than the ones who appear to be perfect but are actually cold and distant.  

Be human.

Be real.

Have a heart.

🦄If Only Mommy

“Turn on Your Love Light”

RIP Col Bruce Hampton

“Turn On Your Love Light”
Without a warning you broke my heart

You took it darling and you tore it apart

You left me sitting in the dark crying

You said your love light for me was dying
I’m begging you baby

Baby please

I’m begging you baby

Baby please

Turn on the light

Let it shine on me

Turn on your love light

Let it shine on me

Let it shine, shine, shine

Let it shine

Rowww!
I get a little lonely in the middle of the night

I need you darling to make things all right
Come on baby

Come on please

Come on baby

Baby please
Turn on the light

Let it shine on me

Turn on your love light

Let it shine on me
I said a little bit higher (a little bit higher)

A little bit higher (a little bit higher)

Just a little bit higher (a little bit higher)

A little bit higher (a little bit higher)
Come on baby

Come on please

I’m begging you baby

I’m down on my knees

Turn on the light (turn on the light)

Let it shine on me (let it shine on me)

Turn on your love light (turn on your love light)

Let it shine on me (let it shine on me)

I feel all right! (I feel all right!)

I feel all right! (I feel all right!)

I feel all right! (I feel all right!)

I feel all right!
Oh let it shine, shine, shine

Let it shine (come on … yeah)

Lessons to Learn

Sunset on 15

Life is my heart beating.  Life is my chest rising up and down…air filling and releasing.  Life is blood pulsating through my veins. Keeping me warm.  Life is my thoughts.  Life happens without my help and life happens with it but one thing I know, there aren’t always answers.  It’s not always automatic.  There aren’t always reasons why.

Everything that has ever happened to me, painful things, I’ve had to learn from every angle.  When they resurface, after I’m far into healing, it always comes through someone else.  Someone I love but just in reverse.  I have to learn to understand the other side.  I don’t understand how this keeps happening over and over again but I can’t help but wonder…what lesson am I suppose to learn?  What did I miss the first time?

Am I suppose to learn that I can have compassion for myself and for someone else doing to someone else what was done to me?  It’s hard.  It hurts and it opens old wounds that I’ve worked hard healing.  I have a hard time just turning my back on anyone.  I don’t like when it’s done to me, but sometimes I want to.  Sometimes I want to run, but I can’t.  I can’t desert someone I love when they’re clearly hurting.  When it’s obvious they’ve lost their way.  It’s evident that they need support so I must push through.  I must start again and try not to let it affect me.  At least not outwardly.  Now it needs to be private pain because this isn’t about me.  

I miss my boring married life where there were routines and patterns.  I miss knowing how my days would turn out and how the nights would end.  I miss being held and comforted at night.  I miss being loved.  I miss being touched and kissed and treasured.  I miss loving too.  I miss giving my love.  I love to love.  

How can I learn to be selfish.  Learn to take care of myself and focus on my new future. How do people put their needs above everyone else’s? I don’t mean my children.  Their needs will always be more important than mine but what about everyone else?  I’m not built like this but leaving my needs and my self behind, last in line, isn’t going to secure my future and I have to do it alone.  Relying on or needing anyone ever again isn’t going to happen.  I just hope to love again.  

I’m feeling lost and sad about the things I’ve been hearing about.  I’m just happy that my normal is pretty solid.  I’m just surrounded by so many things that are not.  So many people that are hiding many, many secrets.  People making huge mistakes and not caring about one another.  It worries me.  

We must find a better way. 
must find a better way. Happiness, love, simple joys, good conversations, passionate  kisses…that’s not too much to wish for, is it?

🦄🍀🌻 iom

Distractions don’t distract as my thoughts never stop.

I’ve always tried to distract myself when something is painful.  It rarely ever works.  If it works it’s only briefly…very briefly.  I am not unique to this.  I think everyone does this, a little.  I’ve tried to pull from my silly thoughts as I sit around waiting at dance, soccer practice, or the bus stop for my children.  I observe everyone around me.  Notice differences, similarities, and oddities of routines.  I talk to friends.  Small talk with others.  All of it only momentarily takes me away from the reality.  Death is a part of life.  It’s painful to lose someone important.  Loved.  It’s hard to think about.  Hard to believe.

When someone I love needs me. I show up. Actually I don’t just show up, I run to them. I drop everything and go.  When I hear your voice and it sounds shaken you can always know, I’ll be by your side soon.  

Last week when this happened I didn’t want to believe it.  I showed up.  I was there and I still can’t believe how it ended.  I’ve know for a while that your time with us was limited but I wanted more time.  I wanted to see you with my children, baking with them, loving them up.   I needed more of your guidance because you were an example of hope and how I want to live.  Who I want to be. 

To be so admired, to have meant so much to so many, and to be spoken of so positively.  What a life well lived.  We were all so very lucky.  I was extremely lucky. 

🦋🦄⛵️🔨❤️ iom

Sigh 

Sometimes I get tired of hearing alternative truths. 😂.  I’m not really joking though.  I am not one thing without admitting the other existed.  It’s just not a fair comparison.  If I shall be judged please don’t do it with part of the information. This has always frustrated me.  If you have to deny the part that makes you feel bad and judge the part that makes you feel right then it may be time to reevaluate.  I am just a person with a heart, a soul, and a purpose.  Just like every other human being out there.  I am all of me….never half.  Let’s be honest.