Being a Good Parent

Long ago when all I could do was imagine my grown up life one day, I was being parented by good parents.  They gave me space with limits.  They weren’t  perfect but I sure knew to say, “Yes, Ma’am and Yes, Sir”, respect my elders, how to write a thank you note, and how it was important to give to others.  I was taught to respect myself and to not ever give up too.  And above all, I was told I was loved and I was.  I knew my parents loved me.  I never had reason to doubt it.  

Then one day came and just like that, I was a parent.  I was shocked by the amount of love I felt instantly for this little, tiny, baby and I was amazed that I never knew how much my parents actually loved me!  I couldn’t believe what I thought wasn’t even close and I understood them so much more.  

Everyday since becoming a parent I’ve tried my hardest to be the best mother I could be.  I’ve had visions of who I wanted to be as a mother my entire life and every day I attempt being her.  I wouldn’t have a clue how to do it if my own mother hadn’t been so great.  To be a great parent, the easiest way is to be from great parents.  We repeat the patterns we’ve been taught to repeat.  If we don’t have great parents, we’ve known someone we thought was one and we could possibly try to copy their patterns.  Or maybe if we needed an example we could find guidance.  With the love I felt for my children, I’m sure I would have tried my hardest, even if I hadn’t been shown the best examples. 

Today I’m baffled by how many parents fail at their job.  They disappear or are selfish.  They’re lazy and don’t care.  Maybe they’re just doing what was done to them.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that we all should try to be better parents than the ones we had.  Even if ours were pretty great.  If yours weren’t, why wouldn’t you envision your own childhood and give them what you wished you had?  Why is that so hard.  Remember yourself as a child and heal yourself by being a better parent than the one that failed you.  How could you not try?

I’m lucky that I had two parents that loved me.  I really am.  I was lucky enough to have 2 healthy happy children.  I have not been lucky in lots of other ways.  I will never let that affect who I am as a parent to my babies.  I wish others could feel that same way too.  I wish before cheaters cheated they’d think about how this could hurt their children.  I wish before abusers beat or ripped someone apart with words, they’d think about how that was changing their children forever.  I wish that when people do seperate and/or eventually divorce that they would put their children before their dating life or their social life.  It makes children feel last when they constantly feel like they’re last in place in your priorities.  

I’ve seen an article floating around Facebook lately about letting your children know you’re the most important person in your family, not them.  I get the point of this article but it doesn’t read right to me.  How about let’s put family first and together as a unit our family is most important.  Not any one member.  That just sounds better to me. Family.  We should all try to have better families even when it’s just a mom and her two kids, like me. 

Much Love ~ iom

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Fear


I’m too afraid to make the steps needed to move forward.  I’m afraid I’ll fail.  I’m afraid I’ll lose.  I’m afraid I’ll get lost in it all.  I can’t wrap my head around how it’s all going to work and it paralyzes me.  I’m disappointed in myself at this stage and I’m hiding from my truth.  I’m acting like a needy child because I’m afraid to be the adult I need to be now.  Maybe because I don’t have anything to fall back on for the first time in my life.  Giving myself a break for my need to stall, because of everything I’ve been through, isn’t good enough anymore.  I can’t rest in that anymore.  It’s never going to change but it isn’t my present, it is my past and it can’t define my future.  I’ve just got to step forward.  I feel like I’m in quicksand.  I want to be everything I know I can be….but what if I’m wrong.  So afraid. 

Six – 21 

Six years today without my mother.  I wrote about her earlier this month, on her birthday so I won’t do that again.  I will say she was the absolute best and loved me like I was the most important thing to her. I miss her.  I’m ok because of her and because of great friends and family.  Today I welcome any and every distraction.  These few things I cherish from her I will share with you.  I’ll also give you this advice, if you still have your parents, spend time with them, let them talk, tell them you love them EVERY time you speak, and hug them EVERY chance you get.  No one and nothing ever replaces them.  The same emptiness is as present today as it was 6 years ago.  It can’t be filled.  I miss her so.  ❤️


Very precious things to me….❤️