This is one of the songs that pops up in my head for numerous reasons. Some of the verses ring so true.
I had a couple sleepless nights this week. My son had a random asthma attack in the middle of the night that was very, very scary. He has asthma but isn’t affected daily. Actually he’s only had 2 attacks a year apart. It hasn’t really been a part of our lives, until it was. Scary. So scary. So I haven’t slept because I couldn’t stop checking on him for two nights to make sure he was breathing. He’s better now, thank goodness. He went back to school yesterday but I was a little scared to take him and called twice to make sure he was ok. Yes, that scary.
When he went back to school I desperately needed to get groceries. I felt slightly delirious since the lack of sleep was extreme. It was at that point where I was too tired to day sleep (aka nap). So I walk through the grocery store in a daze, knocking random shit in the cart until I felt I had something useable. Then I go to check out with one of the recognizable cashiers….one of my favorites. The carts in front of me went through and it was my turn….I forgot to move forward. She had to tell me to push up. Then she asked me if I found everything I needed to which I responded, “huh”. Followed by laughs and a shoulder shrug. She asked me if I had any coupons and I laughed and told her I’m not that kind of person but I totally respect the women with coupon binders buying shit they don’t need because with their clipped coupon it could be purchased for 20 cents. I explained I was too disorganized for 20 cent unnecessary groceries. I’m literally talking about nothing…I don’t even know why I attempted to talk. Seriously. She told me my total and I put my card into the slot and then stood there in a half awake half asleep daze until it timed out. I apologized. She laughed and entered it again. I inserted my card, then over the loud speaker, blah, blah, wah, wah…card still in card reader…me – Did they just call a code blue in the self checkout? I’m totally serious. Card timed out, checkout lady bent over crying, laughing at me so hard and now I’m laughing too. She asked if I worked at a hospital and I told her no but I watch a lot of hospital tv show so almost. I ran my card again as she told me to push this, that, and the other. I told her I was sorry and she told me I made her day. Still laughing. I pushed the cart to my car, loaded it, and drove home. I got out, went inside, and an hour later remembered I forgot to unload my groceries. Thank goodness I didn’t buy milk.
Code blue in the self checkout 🙄. Wtf?!? Haha.
Today is always a day of mixed emotions…I’ll just call it Wednesday because it is now just any other day. Valentine’s Day isn’t a holiday I dislike whether I’m single or not. I like to joke that I hate it when I’m single but I also joke about the pressure of it when I’m not. You know, all jokes. They make everything easier.
You see Valentine’s Day is the day I met the man who would one day be my husband and now my ex. Funny how easy things change. It is also his birthday so it’s a day, once meeting him, that never really belong to me as a romantic one. I thought it unfair for him to have to share it. No big deal. So we’d celebrate him and that’s what we did. Now we still do because I know our children still want to celebrate with him and I help them, like any good parent would. No matter how much I wish could just forgot it and move on. It’s not fair to them. So I help them prepare for their daddy’s birthday. Valentine’s Day.
After meeting my ex, that Valentine’s night, he called me a few days later, and a few after that until we could go out on a date. That date happened on my birthday…so many occasions mixed up in this broken marriage. The one I’m glad I’m not still in and the same one I still wish could have been so much different. I wish he had been so much different. All pipe dreams. You can’t built on lies. Too late.
Sometimes I like to play this game called, you’re the most organized person, where I file things away, pull out my labeler and organize my stuff into sensible smart areas. Everything has its place. Usually days after that game I play games called, you’ve got to be effin kidding me and the classic where the F is my (fill in the blank), usually followed by, I’ve got to go buy more of that craft shit I hid from myself for your school project, grab your shoes and let’s go.
You should try out these fun games one day. Today I’m not playing games because I realize I live easier in disorganized chaos. You know, mom, where’s my bag of Pom Pom balls?
-On the kitchen counter under the big pile of unopened mail and school papers you brought home two weeks ago.
Happy Hallmark Day.
I don’t need your generic, grocery store red roses, and box of gross coconut filled chocolates, single mom – iom 💕